Monday, June 9, 2014

Oh. My. God.

Oh my God. I'm freaking out. Literally freaking out. I am really gaining now and I have to stop. I'm up 8.8 from my lowest weight of 149. something and I just want to cry. I'm taking the higher dose of Qsymia, eating the way that I was before (for the most part - will expand on that in a minute), worked out - but only twice this week....Wow. This sucks. I didn't do all this hard work for nothing and I REFUSE TO BE FAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

I really feel like it must be the ice cream that's doing it. I'm conscious about tasting, but I'm aware that I'm certainly eating more as a result of it. Before my daily eating was usually 2-3 pieces of fruit, a ton of water throughout the day, a cup of green tea at 3:00 with a granola bar or something else sweet and then whatever I wanted for dinner --- though not a huge portion. I've noticed my dinner portions getting larger and I'm not eating the fruit. I must be eating something.

My contract for this week:

  • Fruit during the day ONLY
  • WATER
  • NO picking on the ice cream. No licking the churning arms when the machines are done, before they go in the sink. No testing for doneness even. I can tell now just by dipping my spoon in!
  • Workout at least 4 times this week. Just too busy for more than that! 
  • Conscious, Conscious, Conscious!!!! This is the main thing. Each and every thing that passes through my lips I will be aware of! NO unconscious eating whatsoever. 
And watch what happens. I guarantee you I will see a weight loss next week. 

Oh. My. God.

Update: After posting this I really started thinking about the way that I've been eating and it was obvious. I'm just reverting back to my old self. I'm becoming the same totally unconscious eater that I was before. Last night for instance, we ate at an Olive Garden (which btw was kind of awful). I was famished when those doughy, buttery breadsticks came and I devoured 3 of them! Yes, 3! 8 months ago I would have had 1 and felt like I triumphed! It's that feeling of winning over food that I seem to have lost. I want that feeling back. It's really all about CONTROL. When I'm eating with no thought, I'm out of control. It's really an awful way to be, it's what lead me to be obese and hating myself and it's the key to my getting back to feeling great again. It's not Qsymia. It's not ice cream. It's not  water or really even working out. I believe that it's a mindset and it all starts with being IN CONTROL. So that's my mantra for this week.... I AM IN CONTROL. 

4 comments:

Mary Connealy said...

I see you lost this week!!! Good for you!

llamalluv said...

Hi. I've been looking for stories, REAL STORIES, from people who have used Qsymia with success. I'm 150 pounds over weight (I weigh 300 pounds!) I've been trying to lose weight since puberty, when I developed PCOS.

On Tuesday, I got the phone call from my endocrinologist that I was no longer insulin resistant, but was now pre-diabetic and hurtling towards full blow Type II diabetes.

I'm on Day 3 of taking the lowest dose of Qsymia, and I'm glad to read other people say that it feels like a placebo at first, but then quickly really does kill the appetite.

Your progress is very inspirational. I love those between and after photos of you!

Valerie said...

@llamalluv - Good for you for taking action! It's not a magic pill, but it takes the edge off of your hunger and somehow lets you plow through until the next meal. Good luck to you and feel free to contact me if you need advice or have questions!

@Mary - thanks!!!

llamalluv said...

Definitely NOT a magic pill. I could eat a whole bag of chips or chocolate if I wanted, but I find that I don't want to! I'm now on day 18, and on the 7.5mg doseage. Down 8 pounds. Blood glucose is looking better already, too. Started a yoga class once a week last week. :)