Tuesday, July 15, 2014

And So It Was....

....Valerie eventually gained all of the weight that she worked so hard to lose. The End.

NO F'N WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No weigh-in last week and this morning I decided to face the music and get on the scale. Not pretty doesn't really describe it.

  • Lesson No. 1 of Weight Maintenance After Loss --- Weigh yourself weekly and when you see that you are a lb or two over where you should be --- lose that lb. Do whatever it takes and don't be complacent. It's that very complacency that makes you fat. Seemingly overnight 3 lbs overweight can turn into 40!
So as my clothing clearly told me....I gained and fairly significantly. In fact, I'm now 10 lbs over what I was at my lowest number (I was only there for about 10 seconds however), but nonetheless --- that 149.8 was one of the happiest days of my life (seriously) and my goal is to see that number again. So maybe for now it's not the 143 that I've dreamed of as my "goal" weight. 
  • Lesson No 2 of Weight Maintenance After Loss --- Be realistic with your goals. Not actually reaching my "goal weight" has killed me more than once. For some reason I never seem to reach that number and then it's a hop, skip and jump back to where I started. Perhaps the number is really unattainable and working on true maintenance is more important than continuing to reach a number that I may never reach. In other words -- pat yourself on the back and stay where you are! 
  • Lesson No 3 of Weight Maintenance After Loss --- Pay attention to your clothes and the mirror. Even my underwear is telling me that I'm the weight I am. Don't go around with blinders on! 
So now? Well, firstly I'm getting back in control. I can sit here and pretend that this gain is a huge mystery to me, but it absolutely is not! Even though I still no longer eat breakfast or lunch, I'm not eating nearly the amount of fruit that I was during the day and instead I'm picking. Picking, picking, picking! And never picking on anything healthy. (If I reflect on yesterday I ate a LOT of candy, handfuls of popcorn, etc. etc.) S
  • Lesson No 4 of Weight Maintenance After Loss --- Pay attention to what you eat and don't stuff things into your mouth willy-nilly. Unconscious eating is the main culprit of weight gain and the killer of maintenance! You must --- I repeat --- MUST be aware of each and every thing that goes into that pie hole of yours! 
I'm not beating myself up. It would be counter-productive and it's for sure one of the reasons why I was fat before that "I'm so fat already, what the f I might as well just eat everything that's not nailed down" feeling. Instead I'm taking action - back to the gym and conscious eating! And....I got a new RX. Not for Qsymia, because that really isn't working for me any more. I'm going to try Belviq now. I'm hoping that my body will respond positively to the change and I can get back on track, lose what I've gained and then go off the meds again. I'm not a huge fan of being on medicine, but I try not to beat myself up about it. Qsymia was responsible for an almost 60 lb weight loss and I can do this again! 
  • Lesson No 5 of Weight Maintenance After Loss - Be gentle on yourself and love yourself always. Keep things in perspective! Is a 10 lb weight gain the end of the world? No!!!!! It's nothing more than a humongous wake up call to get back into action! 
Thanks everyone for your support. I'm going to get back into my Monday postings -- knowing that someone - anyone is reading this really does help me and holds me accountable for those weekly weigh-ins! Trying to inspire others is important to me and also holds me to my weight loss. Is there a connection between missed weigh-ins and no blogging? You betcha! So come back and start reading again! 
xoValerie


Monday, June 9, 2014

Oh. My. God.

Oh my God. I'm freaking out. Literally freaking out. I am really gaining now and I have to stop. I'm up 8.8 from my lowest weight of 149. something and I just want to cry. I'm taking the higher dose of Qsymia, eating the way that I was before (for the most part - will expand on that in a minute), worked out - but only twice this week....Wow. This sucks. I didn't do all this hard work for nothing and I REFUSE TO BE FAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

I really feel like it must be the ice cream that's doing it. I'm conscious about tasting, but I'm aware that I'm certainly eating more as a result of it. Before my daily eating was usually 2-3 pieces of fruit, a ton of water throughout the day, a cup of green tea at 3:00 with a granola bar or something else sweet and then whatever I wanted for dinner --- though not a huge portion. I've noticed my dinner portions getting larger and I'm not eating the fruit. I must be eating something.

My contract for this week:

  • Fruit during the day ONLY
  • WATER
  • NO picking on the ice cream. No licking the churning arms when the machines are done, before they go in the sink. No testing for doneness even. I can tell now just by dipping my spoon in!
  • Workout at least 4 times this week. Just too busy for more than that! 
  • Conscious, Conscious, Conscious!!!! This is the main thing. Each and every thing that passes through my lips I will be aware of! NO unconscious eating whatsoever. 
And watch what happens. I guarantee you I will see a weight loss next week. 

Oh. My. God.

Update: After posting this I really started thinking about the way that I've been eating and it was obvious. I'm just reverting back to my old self. I'm becoming the same totally unconscious eater that I was before. Last night for instance, we ate at an Olive Garden (which btw was kind of awful). I was famished when those doughy, buttery breadsticks came and I devoured 3 of them! Yes, 3! 8 months ago I would have had 1 and felt like I triumphed! It's that feeling of winning over food that I seem to have lost. I want that feeling back. It's really all about CONTROL. When I'm eating with no thought, I'm out of control. It's really an awful way to be, it's what lead me to be obese and hating myself and it's the key to my getting back to feeling great again. It's not Qsymia. It's not ice cream. It's not  water or really even working out. I believe that it's a mindset and it all starts with being IN CONTROL. So that's my mantra for this week.... I AM IN CONTROL. 

Monday, June 2, 2014

Still Workin It!

I'm still here and workin it harder than ever this week! I have a new found commitment to my weight loss this week. I am going in the wrong direction and it's time to nip this in the bud NOW! I can and will lose these 7 lbs and will report every ounce lost as I do this. Cheer me on!

Going to work out right now! Water! Fruit! Loving myself! xoxo

Monday, May 19, 2014

Ice Cream, Toppings and Inclusions....Oh My!

Urgh. Interesting weight week. Still no workouts, mainly because I've been sick with some mystery cough thingy and just too run down to get my butt into the gym. We also had a week of over 100 degree days, so walking was kind of out of the question. (excuses....excuses....funny how when I worked out 7 days a week I didn't come up with any of them, huh?)

On antibiotics and feeling a bit better now, though still hacking up a storm, and working like a DOG....I will get my ass into that gym this week. But I say "interesting weight week" because I ate very little and yet still showed a fairly hefty gain on the scale. So why? Well, here's my theory....I'm making ice cream and cookies, and ice cream sandwiches and did I mention ICE CREAM and while I think that I'm "eating very little", every time my ice cream is done churning, I lick (not literally btw - because that would be kind of gross for mass consumption), the churning arm, take a few tastes as it goes to check for consistency and nipple on a cookie bit, or some praline, or salted caramel, or peanut butter curl. For me to think that all of those little "bites, licks and tastes" adds up to nothing is absolutely insane!

So - goals for this week? Make my ice cream WITHOUT the constant tasting. Ice cream and all of the toppings and inclusions are UBER fattening. Yes, I do need to take a TINY taster here and there, but no more than that. Secondary goal is to go back to 10 glasses of water a day. This week - and it's crazy because it was over a 100 degrees every day - I kind of stopped drinking water. And I've said this a 100 times people --- it's the KEY and FIRST STEP to weight loss (not to mention the easiest tip of all!). Drinking water = weight loss. You won't even begin to lose until you do. Until I do. And I am - starting right now with a big morning glass.

Have an awesome week!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

I'm Here!

I'm here!!!!! Sorry for the absense, but I'm knee deep in ice cream! (Well, not literally because that would be sooo gross and like, sticky.) But my new business, Bluebird Ice Creamery has taken flight! I'm only at one local farmer's market, but I did a bang up business last Sunday and going back again this week with 6 new flavors. I'm really enjoying this business and feeling optimistic about it, but between my regular job and this new venture, it doesn't leave much time for much else....like blogging for instance....or working out for instance!

I've also been sick for TWO weeks! Yes, two whole weeks of  hacking. Heading to the doctor this morning finally, because I'm so fed up with all the coughing, but it's made me weak and feeling like poo and absolutely not strong enough to get my ass to the gym. But mark my words - the second that I'm feeling like myself I'm back in that gym with a vengeance! I know how this goes. I've seen it many a time before. It's a slippery slippery slope. Not gonna happen.

xo
p.s. Working through my last week or so of Qsymia! I'm super bummed about the price issues with it. I'd really love to stay on it for these last 10 lbs. Why does it have to be so freakin expensive???

Monday, April 28, 2014

Sorry Luvs....

Sorry luvs --- still too busy for a full on post, so just some random thoughts....

  • lost a bit and happy as a clam
  • too busy to squeeze in workouts --- NOT GOOD! Note to self: not acceptable and everyone can prioritize their day to include a short workout. It's about as important as brushing your teeth. So stop with the excuses, wake up (even) earlier if need be and walk, bike or hit the gym. 
  • HOLY MOLY - the nice folks at Vivus raised the price of this junk yet AGAIN! Picked up my Rx at Costco and nearly died at the $159.00 I had to plunk down for this crack. Seriously....they give you a coupon and then decide they need to raise the price. That means that I really am not going to be able to continue right now. We really can't afford this monthly amount and I'm kind of being a bad girl by buying it. I am just going to have to do this on my own -- sans Qsymia. Just don't have a choice really. I'd love to hear from others who are on it WITH A PRESCRIPTION. How did you get that? My doctor barely ok'd it with me paying, much less my HMO co-paying! 

More next week...promise...hopefully. ;)
V.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Ups 'n Downs....

Just a quickie today, because I'm so FLIPPIN busy. I'm up. I'm down. I'm up. I'm down. I'm like a bloody elevator! I'm not exactly sure that the Qsymia is doing it's job and really...at $125.00 a month, this stuff should really do better! Don't you agree? Just like last time, I am hungry most of the time and have to work REALLY hard to lose. Geez Louise - is it so difficult for some chemist somewhere to come up with a diet medicine that actually makes it so that it's EASY?

Still, I did it last time and I can do it again. I'm trying to repeat my success for these last 15 pounds and damn it...I am GOING TO DO IT!

Better this week. Lots of work outs - almost every day. Sort of fell apart at the end of the week when we went camping. This week we'll be off to Palm Springs, and Easter (CANDY!!!! BASKETS!!!!), can you say "more temptations", so it'll take a lot of will power to get through these next 7 days. But hell. I'm strong. I'm powerful. And I'm learning to be easier on myself.

Thanks for your support everyone. I would have left this a long time ago if I didn't think that even a single person was reading this. It really helps to know that I'm accountable! xoxox