So, I think it was last week that I talked about those little voices in our heads. We all basically have 2 - the good one and the bad one. I gave mine names. Goldie is good. She loves me. She supports me. She thinks I'm the shit. Like on Saturday night when I was all dolled up and heading out the door to go to the big tiki event (a big tiki weekender that we go to every year -- lots of fun people, tropical drinks, etc in Palm Springs) -- she told me that I was lookin' super fly, that I had it all together and that I should be so proud that I was squeezing my body into that tight retro halter dress and looking so good! And then there's Myra. Myra is a bitch. She and I do not get along, but we're somehow incredibly connected and I can't seem to shake her. Myra was right there this morning when I woke up. She was telling me to check out the picture that I uploaded. See how much my body looks just like the halfway picture? "You think you look thin? You think you look hot? You think you look young? Ha! Pictures don't lie chubbette!" And just like that the bitch brought me down this morning and I started to think she's right. I am still so chubby. Fifteen pounds to go? Try twenty or twenty-five....
What's funny is that on Saturday night, right after Goldie's big pep talk I walked out that door - rockin my lashes and heels and into that event and damn if I wasn't the bomb! Five minutes in the event and some guy grabs me, hugs me and says "Damn girl - you are BANGIN'!" And I got no less than 5 more comments like that throughout the night from guys that I already knew (who hadn't seen me since the weight loss) and from a few I didn't know.
Part of me wonders if the attention that I got this weekend caused this backlash. I don't do good with the attention. It's the yin and yang of me. I'm an attention whore that hates attention basically. It's all very weird. I'm like -- I want to strut my stuff and I want you think think I'm hot, but PLEASE do not say a word to me about it. That's what I don't want. The line is crossed when you approach me about it. I think maybe because it's all so new right now and it's all coming from the POV of dieting and of the change. Maybe if I was just "naturally" thin and these guys were complimenting me it might be different, but part of me (Myra no doubt) thinks that I'm fooling them into thinking that I'm hot, when I'm actually a fat girl in disguise. Does that make sense? I'm also insecure about my ability to maintain this -- because I've lost weight so many times before. So Myra is standing there right next to me when they compliment me telling them, "Oh you just wait till a year or two from now -- she'll be a fatty again! ha-ha!". God...I hate her so.
So how do you quiet the voices in my head? How do I tell Myra to STFU basically? Because that bitch can do SO much damage it isn't even funny! I set out this morning to find some tools. I found these 4 steps on a life coach blog. I think I'll see how I can apply them to my situation:
1. Write it down -
When I’m working on things which are outside my comfort zone, my inner storyteller kicks into overdrive. What I’ve noticed is that if I stay engaged in the process long enough, the negative voice goes quiet.
Write down the negative thought as it happens. This helps me to actually acknowledge the thought and not buy into its message. I am then free to give myself better feelings and take action from the better feelings.
2. Move it around -
One technique that works extremely well when your inner little devil is speaking in ‘you’ messages instead of ‘I’ messages (i.e. ‘you’re a loser’, ‘you can’t do this’, etc.) is to change its location. Notice where you currently hear it – is it in the back of your head? Whispering in your ear? Behind your eyes? Next, experiment with putting it in the very center of your throat, as if you were about to actually speak it out loud. People often report that when they do this, the message changes from a ‘you’ to an ‘I’ and the voice changes from someone in your past to your own. Finally, place the voice outside your body where you can dialogue with it from a comfortable distance. (If you see me talking to my foot ever, you’ll know why.)
3. Comfort it -
One of my most successful clients swears by telling that voice inside his head to ‘#%@&! off” at every opportunity. For those of you who, like me, find that a bit harsh, ‘thank you for sharing’ works nicely, as does my personal variation – a gentle, soothing ‘shhhhh…’, like comforting a distraught child.
4.Turn It Up Or Down -
Experiment with turning the volume up and down on the voices inside your head. If you’re not aware of any voices inside your head, notice what happens when you turn down the sound anyways.